The oldest (taxable) profession
Has anyone now living and under 70 years old seen the U.S. in such a turmoil before as it is now? Soaring layoffs, budget deficits high as the sky, tons upon tons of debt for our grandchildren to somehow pay off, governments at all levels looking desperately for revenues so they won’t have to borrow QUITE as much money from China …
Wait a minute! Revenues! Taxes! That gives me an idea! (Turn on the light bulb over my head, please). We’re already taxing alcohol and tobacco heavily; raising income taxes at this time would be unthinkable (except on “the rich,” of course); lottery tickets already have had their odds so slanted in the state’s favor that you won’t find a real winner in a carload. But there’s a profession we could tax that has been here longer than any of them — although many of us like to pretend it doesn’t exist.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: I’m talking about prostitution. Legalize it, regulate it, and, heigh presto! You can tax it! 
OK, I know: any preachers or old church ladies reading this are probably wrinkling their noses in disgust already. We sometimes forget that this is, still, a Puritan country at heart. Things that many Europeans, Latinos and Asians accept as just part of life, we get seriously upset about. Our attitude is, “It shouldn’t exist! It’s a sin! (Or: Disgusting. Or: Terrible for your health. Or: It breaks up homes and families.)”
So the tried and true American method is: Pass laws forbidding the practice, or the substance, or whatever, put the police to work stamping it out, and in a short time, it will simply cease to exist.
Except it never does. Prostitution exists, and will exist, and keeping it illegal not only means the government can’t legally tax it, but also that the prostitutes run a far higher risk of VD, AIDS, assault by customers, you name it. Prohibition didn’t end the drinking of alcohol; it just gave a huge foothold to the Mafia. Banning the sale and use of hallucinatory drugs hasn’t stopped the sale and use of them (although I do support that ban; they ARE just too dangerous to be allowed free rein.)
Right now, only Nevada among the 50 states has legal prostitution (in 10 of its 17 counties). It’s not illegal in Rhode Island, but street soliciting and brothels are. Legislators there are trying to close that loophole. All the other 48 states say NO A THOUSAND TIMES NO to any legalization of the sex trade.
It’s funny how we throw up our hands in horror at the oldest profession, when prostitutes have so often been depicted dramatically as having the proverbial “heart of gold.” Remember Belle Watling, the highly sympathetic trollop in “Gone With the Wind”? Recall Shirley MacLaine as “Irma La Douce”? Kind of girl you’d like to take home to Mom, right? Well, maybe not … And of course, there’s always “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.” Who could not like Dolly Parton and those other lovely, down-to-earth … uh, ladies. I remember once using the word “whorehouse” in a headline I wrote at The Madison Courier. Almost got fired over that. Then a few months later, there on the News of Record page was an Ohio Theatre ad for — you guessed it: “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.” Guess the Courier’s getting paid for the word made all the difference.
Anyway, if we legalized it nationwide (we could always make it “local option” for counties that absolutely, totally couldn’t stand the idea) then regular medical exams for the — uh, employees — could be required, and the transactions could be another source of revenue for the seriously strapped government.
Maybe someone should contact President Obama about this. Tell him about this brainstorm. Might be worth a try. Hey, money’s money. Why, a special name for it just presented itself to me: “The Stimulus Tax.”
Old Corporal <corporalko@yahoo.com>
The oldest (taxable) profession, – Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 19:16:48 (EST)
