New royal birth re-fuels tabloids’ vitriol

 

Now that little Prince George Alexander Louis has been safely born and is “pretty loud and, of course, very good-looking,” according to his dad, Prince William, the trash tabloids in Britain and on this side of the Atlantic can get back to their blatant mis-representations of the future of the British monarchy.

If you live in the U.S., and you purchase, or at least leaf through, any of the tabloids near the check-out lines at Wal-Mart or the supermarket, you know what I mean. The headlines are always blaring, and designed to catch your attention and whet your taste for tittle-tattle. “Evil Camilla makes poor Kate cry!” “Palace insider reveals gay tryst with Charles!” “Prince Philip orders Charles: Divorce Camilla!” “Dying Queen appoints William as her successor!”

In case the British monarchy is not on your radar screen as one of the things you pay much attention to, I’ll try to fill you in on the “why” of most of this trash. You see, when Lady Diana Spencer became the Princess of Wales upon her marriage to Prince Charles, she soon gained a combination of rock star and holy saint status among many Brits who went only by her stunning good looks, her (very public) works with charities and cuddling of adorable children (Charles has done much for British charities, too, but who cares about him?), and her clever manipulation of an adoring news media to keep herself always at the center of attention.

Then, when the marriage broke up in the early 1990’s, millions of British subjects turned on Charles — and his long-time girlfriend and later wife, Camilla Parker Bowles — with a vengeance, blaming the two of them and their clandestine romance which appears to have been put on hold in the early years of the marriage, then revived as that union gradually came apart.  “How could Charles, that royal cad, be so beastly to beautiful, wonderful, saintly Diana? And Camilla, that skank, that syphilitic whore!  How dare she be a party to hurting the most perfect human being who ever lived?!”

Jesus? Jesus who?

Anyway, you get the picture. Diana was a saint; Camilla is the Devil. So speaketh the not-so-bright among the British electorate. And, of course, their view of the succession is that Queen Elizabeth should “appoint” Prince William to be her successor, passing up his father Prince Charles as if he were a dirty shirt. Charles has only been waiting to be king for 61 years, after all. The Camilla-and-Charles haters think he should do “what’s best for the country” and meekly stand aside in favor of his tall, handsome (doesn’t he look like Saint Diana?!) son. “Who wants a king who is 65 years old, has big ears, and who divorced the most wonderful woman who ever lived?”

That’s the way they think. Of course, it’s not nearly that simple, and it’s not going to happen that way.

For one thing, the tabloids have been pushing this fairy tale lately: The queen is “slowly dying of heart trouble;” she can “appoint” whomever she wants as her successor, and now that the little baby prince has safely arrived, she can breathe a sigh of relief, issue a “secret decree” naming William as the next king (one of those rag sheets actually said just that), and then die peacefully, knowing that by her action her loyal son has waited 61 years for nothing.

Of course, that’s all horse hockey. The queen is 87 years old, but despite a hospital stay recently, she seems to be very “hale and hearty” and is likely to continue her reign for several more years. She does not have the power to simply “pass over” her son, the Prince of Wales and heir to the throne, and “appoint” someone much younger and more telegenic in his place — and she wouldn’t do it if she DID have the power. Charles is her eldest son. He’s been groomed to be the next king of England since he was 4 years old.  Elizabeth wouldn’t do that to her own son, who has made his mark for years with his charities, his intense interest and involvement in British architecture, his ability to talk with people of all stations, his continuing promotion of more sensible farming methods for the Duchy of Cornwall, his sense of humor, and many other qualities. He overcame a less-than-ideal raising by Elizabeth and Prince Philip, problems in his schooling, a late (for a prince) marriage to a woman much younger than him — Diana — while the love of his life was, and remains, Camilla Parker Bowles.

Besides, Prince William, and his brother Prince Harry, love their father, and want him to be treated as he is entitled as the Prince of Wales, heir to the throne. And at age 31, the last thing that William wants, as he and his wife Kate enjoy their first weeks with their new little prince, is to suddenly become king, with all the duties and responsibilities that involves.

By the way, over the weekend the Diana-lovers and Camilla-haters got another juicy fillip to encourage them in their quest to deny Charles the throne: Scotland Yard is “investigating” a bizarre claim that Diana was “murdered by a British Army soldier” in some kind of an elite sniper unit. For a long time the trash tabloids were pushing the idea that Diana was “murdered on orders from the palace.” Now I suppose this will revive that notion, for those who desperately want to believe that their precious Diana was the victim of some kind of foul play, and that the Royal Family’s hands are stained with her blood.

What nonsense! It sounds like something that was concocted in the fevered brain of some “republican” (small “r”). In Britain, that means someone who wants to abolish the monarchy and elect a (boring, colorless) figurehead president in its place; or by those Diana idolators who are unable to believe that a glamorous, telegenic, charismatic celebrity like her, can die in such a routine manner as a car crash caused by a drunken chauffeur who was trying to flee a pack of rabid paparazzi who wanted photos of Diana and her Muslim boyfriend, Dodi Fayed. To them, it’s as if Jesus Christ had died by tripping and falling head-first down a stairway — an absolute sacrilege. To use a phrase often heard nowadays, to them, it’s “a bummer.”

Hey, folks, here’s some news for you: The chauffeur was stinko drunk. He was driving a limo much too fast, through a tunnel, and he not surprisingly lost control of it, the car crashed, and his celebrity passengers were killed. Fatal accidents happen all the time — just not to people as well known as Diana.

I’ve read wishful thinking posts on the internet about Charles, with people noting that Queen Elizabeth’s mother lived to be 101, and that she will “probably outlive Charles.” Or that his reign, when and if it comes, will be “one of the shortest in British history.” Or, as I quoted before from the trash tabloids, that the queen will “appoint” William to succeed her instead of her son.

The queen will probably live well into her 90s, although I doubt she’ll make 100. But the mere fact that she has such longevity in her family, and that her husband Prince Philip is still around at age 92 (although he has had a couple of hospital stays lately) suggests that Charles will be pretty long-lived, too. A king of Sweden back in the 1950s came to the throne at the age of 68, after his father died at 92. The new king lived to be 90. And if you look at videos or photos of Charles, you’ll notice that, despite his thinning hair and the lines in his face (largely the result of the all the headaches which followed his marriage to Diana), he appears trim and fit, at an age when most men his age have an obvious paunch and other signs of physical aging. Charles has always been physically active; from all I’ve read his drinking has been moderate; and I don’t think he’s ever been a regular smoker.

Sorry to disappoint all those Brits who have posted such nasty remarks about Charles and Camilla on YouTube and other websites, but unless at the time of his mother’s death, he is confined to a wheelchair, staring vacantly into space and drooling down his shirt front; in other words, unless a committee of Parliament finds him incompetent to reign, he’ll be King Charles III — probably, unless he chooses another name. And despite all the bad feelings some people have toward Camilla, I’m betting that she’ll be his queen.

And the haters will be practically choking on their rage and frustration.