Writers

Writing

Those of you who aren’t professional writers probably think the hardest part of writing a column is — well, WRITING. You probably imagine the ink-stained wretch sitting in front of his typewriter — make that PC nowadays — clacking away furiously, cursing because he didn’t want that paragraph to sound that way, going back and re-writing, moving sentences around, getting stuck for just the right word, struggling for a good ending …

Nope. That ain’t the way it is, folks. At least, not for me. While you’re sitting in front of your TV on a Saturday night, I’m writing this column while I’m — you guessed it — sitting in front of my TV, too. I’m watching Crook and Chase on RFD-TV. Giving it probably three-quarters of my attention. Lorianne Crook looks beautiful as usual.

The way I write this sucker, is to just sit down, put my fingers on the keyboard, and let ‘er rip. Keep going till you’re done. Don’t think about it too hard, or you’ll stall out, or find yourself fumbling for words. Like riding a bike: Just do it. Don’t think too much about it.

The REAL hard part of writing for the public like this, is finding a topic, every week. Trying not to get into a rut, or on the other hand, become too predictable. Don’t appear to be reaching too hard, though. You don’t want your readers to say, “Well, the old boy must have been REALLY hard up for something to write about this week!” Although of course, some of them are going to, anyway. People are people, and a certain number are always going to be unhappy. Anybody who reads Old Madison knows that, right? Like my column two weeks ago, which apparently broke some china in one reader’s memory closet. But that’s OK. When they complain about what you write, at least it shows they read it.

That’s one thing about writing for Old Madison. When JB asked me to do it, I thought it sounded like a good idea, but I said, “What would you want me to write about?” And he said, “Anything you want to write about. Just don’t get us sued!” So far, I don’t think he has been.

When I was working at The Madison Courier I suggested several times to the management over the years, “Why can’t we have a local column?” Not necessarily written by me — there were other reporters just as capable. But all my idea ever got was cold water. So this column has been the first opportunity I’ve ever had to sound off regularly about whatever came into my head. Sometimes people will like it, and post a lot of comments. Other times they don’t even complain for two or three weeks, and I think, “Is anyone reading this crap?”

So once you get a topic, you research it, if necessary. It’s best to if there are facts and figures you want to be sure not to get wrong. Of course, sometimes you’re just writing to hear your own head roar, and the only researching you need to do is between your own ears. Those columns are easier to put together, of course.

They used to say that you could tell in the old days when a columnist was “dry,” or out of material, because his column for that day would start with something like, “Here’s a peek into the old mailbag …” and some quotes from letters he’d received from readers. His replies to the quotes would give the column a shape, and fill the allotted space for that day. And when the old columnist finished writing it, he’d think, “Well, I fooled ’em again!”

A columnist on a blog can’t really do that, because his reader’s comments get posted right on that blog. Kind of hard to build a column around them.

Nowadays, he has to find some other excuse. Like telling how you write a column.

Gotcha! See you guys next week.

Old Corporal <corporalko@yahoo.com>